I was reminiscing about the men throughout my life who have taken my breath away, the ones who made me swoon with their mere presence.
Sure there were the handsome heartthrobs, but mostly I reflected on men who had certain qualities, the intangible character traits that sent me into a sweet surrender.
It’s the way these men connect with me. Their willingness to show their true self to me. I feel safe in their presence simply because I can actually feel them.
Most women would agree the sexiest man alive is a strong man who is also voluntarily vulnerable. Truth is I don’t believe a man can be genuinely strong unless he’s also vulnerable.
Before we go any further let’s distinguish vulnerability from neediness. One is rooted in strength, the other is rooted in insecurity and fear. Neediness is supplicating yourself for acceptance. Vulnerability is giving yourself openly without fear of rejection. One is attractive, the other is not.
When you find a person you can trust, who’s worth the risk that comes with being vulnerable, then consider that your vulnerability is the admission price for deeper intimacy.
Particularly in those private moments together, showing your vulnerable side makes us instantly want to get closer to you. Whereas holding your vulnerability back will actually do us both more harm than good.
But I get it. This isn’t always easy especially with all the played out stereotypes around masculinity. “Suck it up.” “Boys don’t cry.” “Be tough.” “Don’t let ’em see you sweat”.
These stereotypes have been dangerously oppressive towards men, they’ve shackled their hearts, emotions, well-being, and robbed them of a sense of meaning in life, not to mention how negatively this has impacted women through the centuries.
Men, women, we’re all in this together. It is not a battle between the sexes anymore, but rather a spiritual dynamic that we are all being asked to heal within ourselves.
Let’s update these conversations once and for all.
As women, we want to see your human side. The vulnerable parts that show us your willing to drop your guard, put your defensive shield down and have faith that being honest with your woman will only make her want you more.
Yes, it takes courage to be vulnerable, and courage means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. No holding back!
Vulnerability within the context of an intimate relationship takes trust, it takes transparency. You need to be willing to tell your woman what you want, when you’re afraid and how she makes you feel. Go the extra mile, move aside the armor and tell her what you’ve had to overcome, what you’re sorry for, and what has humbled you in life.
Without this level of authenticity, there can be no genuine intimacy.
Have you ever seen a woman cry just after a big orgasm? It’s a priceless gift not only for her but also for the recipient. Most men I’ve talked to say it’s a huge honor to hold space for such a deep release.
Women feel the same way about you. Vulnerability is being able to reveal yourself, beyond surface level details and interests, enough that a woman feels comfortable to continue investing her time with you.
This is the key ingredient that makes sex remain provocative well after the initial high of infatuation dissipates. Doing this will steadily increase the heart-centered sexual connection so many of us long for.
If all this vulnerability stuff is still a challenge for you keep working on yourself, keep investing in yourself, learn more about who you are and become more present in your own skin. You’ll get there.
Remember, a man who’s able to let himself be seen is saying to the world, “Like it or not, this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.” That’s powerful, that’s SEXY!
And If you don’t believe me, just listen to Alanis Morissette with her powerful lyrics -In Praise of the Vulnerable Man